Who’s having the tantrum? Me or my toddler?

We all have those parenting moments where we might wish that the ground would swallow us up, that we could run away from this parenting job we got ourselves into, when our kids are driving us insane and we have no escape so we lash out with all of our bottled up frustrations and turn into nasty monsters that shout, hit and demean these beings that we chose to bring into this world.

There are days when I just want to be alone, I don’t want to deal with the millions of why’s and hows and commands and suggestions and wants and demands and cries and smothers from my little girl. And when I lash out, shout, order and dictate to her because I have emotions that I am struggling to place in order and breathe out and manage, she only sees someone she loves, her world, her comfort her sanctuary churn her up and spit her out.

She doesn’t understand that I am having a crappy day and that actually I am the one who has issues I need to address, all she understands for that very moment is that she is alone, unheard, uncared for, unloved and unsafe. When I spend hours at my computer trolling facebook, twitter and google, I do it at her expense and mine too- because I deprive myself of these precious moments with her, and she soon realizes that my computer, my “work” and everything else I need to do is more important and takes priority over her, And she accepts it, forgives me and learns to find ways to cope and make the best of her situation.

And when I am done, having my tantrum, or done with my trolling, it dawns on me and I feel guilty.

And she is ever willing to forgive my short- comings and love me all over again. Unconditionally.

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